1. |
Landis
01:29
|
|||
|
Well I will not know you whoever you are
And you’ll be all in with the slots and the sin
And we’ll go to my car
And if I start falling down to the ground
And if I remain and you cause me that pain
That I’ve heard all about
Well I will not hear you, your shuffling song
With your hooves on the ground and my teeth in my mouth
Where they won’t stay for long
And I will start weeping and swinging at you
But not do I know that the faster I go means the less that I do
|
||||
2. |
||||
|
So tomorrow at work I’ll be useless
I’ll be hungry and tired and blue
Either because I didn’t get enough sleep
Or because I have been thinking of you
Because you pulled on the tab that said “try me”
And you figured I would last you for years
And now a couple of AAs later I am still kinda standing right here
I left my fingers wide open
And I painted my heart on my knees
I left my body ajar, I told you not to go far
But that I would come and go as I please
So I think I’ll leave you down at the town line
Where I figure is where you’ll wanna be
Amidst the old pull out couches, the smashed televisions
The toasters and washing machines
I tried my very best to be cryptic
And I think that for the most part I failed
Considering the fact that I’m pretty messed up
From all these chlorine fumes I have inhaled
And when I finally get around to this sweeping
I’ll have probably worn a hole in my pants
From the blurred double vision and the red-eye reduction
In these images that I have enhanced
Since I got out of my box I’ve been faulty
And my laces have always been torn
And there’s something about the way you rattle my cage
That makes me wish that I’d never been born
And you chose a peculiar method to say you’re no longer my biggest fan
You stopped liking my jokes, you threw a stick in my spokes, and you ran
|
||||
3. |
Better Underwater
04:35
|
|||
|
Of all of the things that I started too late
Like cutting my hair, and brushing my teeth, and watching my weight
And arriving on time
If only I was any older then I would be the same
And you’d be my controller
And of all of the places that I’d like to go
Like into your arms and back to my house and out of the snow
And away from myself
I should have stayed a little longer
If only I could breathe better underwater
Presumably no one’s invited you in
To show you around, untangle your clothes and unravel your skin
But forget about that
And all of the other things I’ve imagined
While plotting out the ways that I will make my fortune
But lately I can’t seem to open you up
Though I’ve held you under hot water
And cut all the ribbons and straightened the plugs
And killed the alarm as far as anyone has noticed
I’m pulling you apart a little at a time
And I would hide for hours and hours
Just to fool you
Of all of the things that I started too soon
Like wanting you back and spending my cash on things I don’t use
At a tiresome rate and listening late and watching early
The day that I awake is the day that you’ll have heard me
|
||||
4. |
||||
|
If you breathe oxygen I breathe a substance much thinner and dry
And if you don’t keep reminding me I won’t remember your name
So I’ll check tomorrow to see if there’s anything left here of me
And if there is not I won’t listen to a word that you say
And I’ll go remembering you by the shipping, the sharks and the shoes
And all of the times that I ever spit or scream
And I’ll call the characters out and you will jump into my mouth
Just to see if I spit all those diamonds off of my tongue
Because it turns out I have
And you’re stumbling again, kind of like somebody else
When I lose both my hands I will maybe have reason to doubt
That I’ll hold you again, and maybe you won’t seem so sure
That I’m missing my skin, because my skin is still missing yours
(at least half of the time)
|
||||
5. |
Oh, the Ghost!
03:31
|
|||
|
Come to me, all you evasive mistakes
And make me appear in the margin
I don’t care how long it will take
Because I only want to enlarge it
And following me to the scene
Is doing me a great disservice
And making a mess out of me
Is really only doing me harm
Oh the ghost, was only in dreams
It isn’t in my closet
And you won’t go searching with me
Because I have already lost it
And when it goes into my bed
And out of the window before you
I will be laughing and then
I’m probably gonna start to explore
Come with me and we will go into the bank
And then we’ll go into the florist
But there will be nothing to take
Because everyone came here before us
And nobody made me a deal
A wreck or a child or traitor
Although I’ve been willing to steal
I’ve been caught every time but that once
Oh the ghost, was only in dreams
It isn’t in my closet
And you won’t go searching with me
Because I have already lost it
And when it goes into my bed
And out of the window before you
I will be laughing and then
I’m probably gonna start to explore
|
||||
6. |
Getting Work
01:23
|
|||
|
So I will walk this evening to the cellar
And I will try my best to stay afloat
And I will be standing 'til three in the morning
With a mouthful of terrible jokes
And you will criticize my awful timing
But I will still insist upon my skill
And I will be late for work in the morning
I’m just taking the time that you killed
And it isn’t as if things have gotten better
And it isn’t as if I am getting worse
And it isn’t as if I took the apple from your eye
And I bit it just to quench my own thirst
And it isn’t as if people think I’m funny
But what is being funny even for
My lines have made me forget what you gave me
When I was starting out in New York
And it isn’t as if I am getting work
|
||||
7. |
Animal Tested
04:16
|
|||
|
I look at things from a certain perspective
It’s parent approved and it’s animal tested
And I didn’t know but I should’ve guessed it
You loved me forever ago
I should have known you’d have gone to bed early
And I should have known you would wake and disturb me
And I should have known but you should have heard me
Remembering everything you did
So I said I’ll murder any man who tells me that I’m too aggressive
And I said I’ll murder any man who tells me that I am too small
And I said I’ll murder any man with courage enough to go after you
And I said I’ll murder any man who does anything at all
I’d hate to suggest that you purposely planned it
Your sudden escape with that back-breaking bandit
But I was the first one you saw when you landed
And you didn’t tell me hello
But I’m not the type to exploit my expenses
On dangerous, dubious, plain false pretenses
I took all my paychecks in three big advances
And didn’t save anything up
So I said this is the day, the day that I’m gonna go back to you
And I said this is the day, the day that I’m gonna go home
And I said this is the day, the day I’ll return to my own true form
And I said this is the day, but so was all of last month
I am aware that you took all my schillings
And I am aware that my teeth need some fillings
And I am aware that you’re ready and willing
To throw all my goodness away
You knotted, you kneaded, you begged and you pleaded
You told me that I was not why you succeeded
You came to my line, then you quickly retreated
So I drew a new one for you
And I said a cellar is a place for me to do something more rational
And I said a cellar is a place for people to keep all their cans
And I said a cellar is the closest I’ll get to inhabiting the underground
And I said a cellar is a place where I’ll finally make use of my hands
|
||||
8. |
Shorting
02:51
|
|||
|
When I threw my back out it clattered and clicked
It was hardly that nimble and not all that quick
So maybe my breaker is shorting or maybe you just didn’t wire me right
Either way I must say that it’s hard to survive
When you’re 36 miles from here
My cast iron body, my fragile tin heart
I’m saving up money to buy some new parts
But it’s hard to accumulate that kind of cash
Making sofas for minimum wage
And although I know you’ve got little to say
Your voice won’t get out of my head
I could not hold you for one second more
My shoulders are tired, my elbows are sore
And if you stopped to remember just one thing about me
You’d know that I’m not all that strong
But no matter my strength, my model or make
You should know I’ve been waiting too long
You told me my torso belonged in a cage
You said I was way too damn big for my age
And I couldn’t believe it when you said you’d leave it
To me to decide your last name
Because regardless of girth, my alleged date of birth
Is still relatively the same
And I will remember you, assuming I can
If I have enough storage, if I have enough RAM
And if this is broadcast back to the factory
Then they’re gonna tear me apart
But as long as you know I’ve got nowhere to go
I guess that I’ll never be far
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
All this cooking, all this cleaning, all this midnight movie screening
Watching those deleted scenes and never knowing who is who
I can hear but I can’t listen, I can glimmer, I can’t glisten
All I ever hear’s this hissing, all I ever see is you
And if you leave, darling if you disappear
I’ll make a list of my least favorite puppeteers
I’ll cast a spell on all the things that I’ve accrued
And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you
I’m a couple miles from nowhere, and there’s no one that I know there
And if I ever go there, I don’t think I’ll return
I’ve a song or two of horses, but the thing I think of course is
The only way to feel remorse is by watching your possessions burn
And if you leave, darling if you ever go
I’ll tell you nothing because nothing’s what I know
I’ll beat my door until the paint turns black and blue
And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you
I’ve a picture, I’ve a painting of a million people fainting
And some evildoer tainting everything that is alive
I forgot the point of cursing and I’m no good at conversing
If my condition ever worsens then I’ll probably not survive
And if you leave, darling if you ever split
I’ll give a damn, hell I’ll even give a shit
I’m gonna worry because there’s nothing left to do
And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you
|
||||
10. |
||||
|
The stuttering sound of cellular phone interference
And the fluttering feel of the fingers I keep in my mouth
And the terrible taste of my tongue
And the bellowing bloke I’ve become
Have commenced me completely, then died out discretely
And made me remember the sun
Going down, just the way I like it
Hiding out under me
So you’ve found a new way to navigate back to my residence
You’ll collect me, correct me, then resurrect me
And bury my bones somewhere new
And babe, I couldn’t go
Because there’s someplace else you know
That I have been keeping my eye on when my eye wasn’t keeping on you
And should I leave don’t tell anybody
And should I grieve then you have won
So I’m buying your love with the money I got from my tax return
And I’ll put it away until Christmas or some other time
Because lately I simply don’t know where I’m going
In spite of the dozens of street signs of stolen
The trains try their hardest to keep me from rolling
So I roll back into bed
And think of you for as long as that will take me
And I sit around until the end of the day
Since the day I lost my mind
I’ve found it’s hard to find
You in the proper position
And me in the right state of mind
|
||||
11. |
Fingers
04:25
|
|||
|
Well I’m clean and I’m courteous and I sure do feel angry
About the sun in the sky who refuses to save me
So instead of these pictures I wish you would hang me on your wall
I’ve been here for hours, it’s a standard progression
It’s the standard procedure for my standard obsession
And this standing ovation isn’t really worth a damn
So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen
For the upcoming 29, 30, or 31 days
I have a sneaking suspicion I’m in very little danger of surviving
I have a sneaking suspicion I’m never going to be safe
I’ve tried netting and shiners and my tender bare hands
But I just couldn’t catch you in the snow or the sand
Or the grass or the gravel, the space or the sky or the sea
I never knew you were cunning, I never knew you were sane
I never thought I’d lose tenure at the front of your brain
I never worry all that much which I guess is my biggest mistake
So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen
Which I really haven’t done that I remember since 2008
And when I find you I’ll kill you and when I kill you I will finally know better
And when I finally know better I will realize my mistake
I don’t know I’m doing, I don’t know what I’ve done
I don’t know what I’m thinking, I don’t know what I’ve thunk
All I know is that somebody somewhere soon is going to pay
If I wasn’t so angry I would turn on the tube
And if I wasn’t so stupid I would listen to you
And if I wasn’t so lazy I’d probably get up off the couch
So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen
Which I really wouldn’t do if I figured you were worrying too
I miss the days of paralyzing guilt and crippling depression
And once I give you all my fingers there will still be one too few
|
||||
If you like Jake McKelvie & the Countertops, you may also like:
Probably Nothing, Possibly Everything
by Pat The Bunny
supported by 7 fans who also own “Jake McKelvie & the Countertops”
I love that I always calls me back to it.
go to album
supported by 5 fans who also own “Jake McKelvie & the Countertops”
The melancholy and frustration definitely gets to you.
go to album
The Ballad Of The Undercrust
by Speaker For The Dead
supported by 5 fans who also own “Jake McKelvie & the Countertops”
If you like The Taxpayers, you'll like this record. I love the Taxpayers.
go to album
The In-Between
by Dolly Valentine
Beautiful ballads wreathed with mist, “The In-Between” boasts gentle melodies and rich Americana arrangements.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Jul 12, 2022
go to album
You Have Got To Be Kidding Me
by fanclubwallet
Canadian singer-songwriter Hannah Judge navigates the trials and tribulations of adulthood in a cozy, intimate indie-pop setting.
go to album
Future Me Hates Me
by The Beths
supported by 5 fans who also own “Jake McKelvie & the Countertops”
I love that the guys' harmonies have more focus in this album; it's a very different balance than Expert In A Dying Field, but I like it!
go to album
