Jake McKelvie & the Countertops

by Jake McKelvie & the Countertops

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1.
Landis 01:29
Well I will not know you whoever you are And you’ll be all in with the slots and the sin And we’ll go to my car And if I start falling down to the ground And if I remain and you cause me that pain That I’ve heard all about Well I will not hear you, your shuffling song With your hooves on the ground and my teeth in my mouth Where they won’t stay for long And I will start weeping and swinging at you But not do I know that the faster I go means the less that I do
2.
So tomorrow at work I’ll be useless I’ll be hungry and tired and blue Either because I didn’t get enough sleep Or because I have been thinking of you Because you pulled on the tab that said “try me” And you figured I would last you for years And now a couple of AAs later I am still kinda standing right here I left my fingers wide open And I painted my heart on my knees I left my body ajar, I told you not to go far But that I would come and go as I please So I think I’ll leave you down at the town line Where I figure is where you’ll wanna be Amidst the old pull out couches, the smashed televisions The toasters and washing machines I tried my very best to be cryptic And I think that for the most part I failed Considering the fact that I’m pretty messed up From all these chlorine fumes I have inhaled And when I finally get around to this sweeping I’ll have probably worn a hole in my pants From the blurred double vision and the red-eye reduction In these images that I have enhanced Since I got out of my box I’ve been faulty And my laces have always been torn And there’s something about the way you rattle my cage That makes me wish that I’d never been born And you chose a peculiar method to say you’re no longer my biggest fan You stopped liking my jokes, you threw a stick in my spokes, and you ran
3.
Of all of the things that I started too late Like cutting my hair, and brushing my teeth, and watching my weight And arriving on time If only I was any older then I would be the same And you’d be my controller And of all of the places that I’d like to go Like into your arms and back to my house and out of the snow And away from myself I should have stayed a little longer If only I could breathe better underwater Presumably no one’s invited you in To show you around, untangle your clothes and unravel your skin But forget about that And all of the other things I’ve imagined While plotting out the ways that I will make my fortune But lately I can’t seem to open you up Though I’ve held you under hot water And cut all the ribbons and straightened the plugs And killed the alarm as far as anyone has noticed I’m pulling you apart a little at a time And I would hide for hours and hours Just to fool you Of all of the things that I started too soon Like wanting you back and spending my cash on things I don’t use At a tiresome rate and listening late and watching early The day that I awake is the day that you’ll have heard me
4.
If you breathe oxygen I breathe a substance much thinner and dry And if you don’t keep reminding me I won’t remember your name So I’ll check tomorrow to see if there’s anything left here of me And if there is not I won’t listen to a word that you say And I’ll go remembering you by the shipping, the sharks and the shoes And all of the times that I ever spit or scream And I’ll call the characters out and you will jump into my mouth Just to see if I spit all those diamonds off of my tongue Because it turns out I have And you’re stumbling again, kind of like somebody else When I lose both my hands I will maybe have reason to doubt That I’ll hold you again, and maybe you won’t seem so sure That I’m missing my skin, because my skin is still missing yours (at least half of the time)
5.
Come to me, all you evasive mistakes And make me appear in the margin I don’t care how long it will take Because I only want to enlarge it And following me to the scene Is doing me a great disservice And making a mess out of me Is really only doing me harm Oh the ghost, was only in dreams It isn’t in my closet And you won’t go searching with me Because I have already lost it And when it goes into my bed And out of the window before you I will be laughing and then I’m probably gonna start to explore Come with me and we will go into the bank And then we’ll go into the florist But there will be nothing to take Because everyone came here before us And nobody made me a deal A wreck or a child or traitor Although I’ve been willing to steal I’ve been caught every time but that once Oh the ghost, was only in dreams It isn’t in my closet And you won’t go searching with me Because I have already lost it And when it goes into my bed And out of the window before you I will be laughing and then I’m probably gonna start to explore
6.
Getting Work 01:23
So I will walk this evening to the cellar And I will try my best to stay afloat And I will be standing 'til three in the morning With a mouthful of terrible jokes And you will criticize my awful timing But I will still insist upon my skill And I will be late for work in the morning I’m just taking the time that you killed And it isn’t as if things have gotten better And it isn’t as if I am getting worse And it isn’t as if I took the apple from your eye And I bit it just to quench my own thirst And it isn’t as if people think I’m funny But what is being funny even for My lines have made me forget what you gave me When I was starting out in New York And it isn’t as if I am getting work
7.
I look at things from a certain perspective It’s parent approved and it’s animal tested And I didn’t know but I should’ve guessed it You loved me forever ago I should have known you’d have gone to bed early And I should have known you would wake and disturb me And I should have known but you should have heard me Remembering everything you did So I said I’ll murder any man who tells me that I’m too aggressive And I said I’ll murder any man who tells me that I am too small And I said I’ll murder any man with courage enough to go after you And I said I’ll murder any man who does anything at all I’d hate to suggest that you purposely planned it Your sudden escape with that back-breaking bandit But I was the first one you saw when you landed And you didn’t tell me hello But I’m not the type to exploit my expenses On dangerous, dubious, plain false pretenses I took all my paychecks in three big advances And didn’t save anything up So I said this is the day, the day that I’m gonna go back to you And I said this is the day, the day that I’m gonna go home And I said this is the day, the day I’ll return to my own true form And I said this is the day, but so was all of last month I am aware that you took all my schillings And I am aware that my teeth need some fillings And I am aware that you’re ready and willing To throw all my goodness away You knotted, you kneaded, you begged and you pleaded You told me that I was not why you succeeded You came to my line, then you quickly retreated So I drew a new one for you And I said a cellar is a place for me to do something more rational And I said a cellar is a place for people to keep all their cans And I said a cellar is the closest I’ll get to inhabiting the underground And I said a cellar is a place where I’ll finally make use of my hands
8.
Shorting 02:51
When I threw my back out it clattered and clicked It was hardly that nimble and not all that quick So maybe my breaker is shorting or maybe you just didn’t wire me right Either way I must say that it’s hard to survive When you’re 36 miles from here My cast iron body, my fragile tin heart I’m saving up money to buy some new parts But it’s hard to accumulate that kind of cash Making sofas for minimum wage And although I know you’ve got little to say Your voice won’t get out of my head I could not hold you for one second more My shoulders are tired, my elbows are sore And if you stopped to remember just one thing about me You’d know that I’m not all that strong But no matter my strength, my model or make You should know I’ve been waiting too long You told me my torso belonged in a cage You said I was way too damn big for my age And I couldn’t believe it when you said you’d leave it To me to decide your last name Because regardless of girth, my alleged date of birth Is still relatively the same And I will remember you, assuming I can If I have enough storage, if I have enough RAM And if this is broadcast back to the factory Then they’re gonna tear me apart But as long as you know I’ve got nowhere to go I guess that I’ll never be far
9.
All this cooking, all this cleaning, all this midnight movie screening Watching those deleted scenes and never knowing who is who I can hear but I can’t listen, I can glimmer, I can’t glisten All I ever hear’s this hissing, all I ever see is you And if you leave, darling if you disappear I’ll make a list of my least favorite puppeteers I’ll cast a spell on all the things that I’ve accrued And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you I’m a couple miles from nowhere, and there’s no one that I know there And if I ever go there, I don’t think I’ll return I’ve a song or two of horses, but the thing I think of course is The only way to feel remorse is by watching your possessions burn And if you leave, darling if you ever go I’ll tell you nothing because nothing’s what I know I’ll beat my door until the paint turns black and blue And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you I’ve a picture, I’ve a painting of a million people fainting And some evildoer tainting everything that is alive I forgot the point of cursing and I’m no good at conversing If my condition ever worsens then I’ll probably not survive And if you leave, darling if you ever split I’ll give a damn, hell I’ll even give a shit I’m gonna worry because there’s nothing left to do And babe, I’m gonna cry all over you
10.
The stuttering sound of cellular phone interference And the fluttering feel of the fingers I keep in my mouth And the terrible taste of my tongue And the bellowing bloke I’ve become Have commenced me completely, then died out discretely And made me remember the sun Going down, just the way I like it Hiding out under me So you’ve found a new way to navigate back to my residence You’ll collect me, correct me, then resurrect me And bury my bones somewhere new And babe, I couldn’t go Because there’s someplace else you know That I have been keeping my eye on when my eye wasn’t keeping on you And should I leave don’t tell anybody And should I grieve then you have won So I’m buying your love with the money I got from my tax return And I’ll put it away until Christmas or some other time Because lately I simply don’t know where I’m going In spite of the dozens of street signs of stolen The trains try their hardest to keep me from rolling So I roll back into bed And think of you for as long as that will take me And I sit around until the end of the day Since the day I lost my mind I’ve found it’s hard to find You in the proper position And me in the right state of mind
11.
Fingers 04:25
Well I’m clean and I’m courteous and I sure do feel angry About the sun in the sky who refuses to save me So instead of these pictures I wish you would hang me on your wall I’ve been here for hours, it’s a standard progression It’s the standard procedure for my standard obsession And this standing ovation isn’t really worth a damn So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen For the upcoming 29, 30, or 31 days I have a sneaking suspicion I’m in very little danger of surviving I have a sneaking suspicion I’m never going to be safe I’ve tried netting and shiners and my tender bare hands But I just couldn’t catch you in the snow or the sand Or the grass or the gravel, the space or the sky or the sea I never knew you were cunning, I never knew you were sane I never thought I’d lose tenure at the front of your brain I never worry all that much which I guess is my biggest mistake So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen Which I really haven’t done that I remember since 2008 And when I find you I’ll kill you and when I kill you I will finally know better And when I finally know better I will realize my mistake I don’t know I’m doing, I don’t know what I’ve done I don’t know what I’m thinking, I don’t know what I’ve thunk All I know is that somebody somewhere soon is going to pay If I wasn’t so angry I would turn on the tube And if I wasn’t so stupid I would listen to you And if I wasn’t so lazy I’d probably get up off the couch So now I am going to have to worry about what is gonna happen Which I really wouldn’t do if I figured you were worrying too I miss the days of paralyzing guilt and crippling depression And once I give you all my fingers there will still be one too few

about

Recorded and mixed by Aaron Darter and Zach Saffrin at Stone Otis Studios. Mastered by Aaron Darter at Stone Otis Studios.

credits

released June 24, 2012

All songs written by JCM and arranged by JCM and the Countertops.

Vocals on "Oh, the Ghost!": The Countertops, Jared Andrews, Aaron Darter

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all rights reserved

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